the certainty of intimacy

Certainty + Intimacy = Fulfillment

Our lives, our world our institutions – the beliefs and structures we have always relied upon – are undergoing unprecedented change.

How can we navigate our rapidly changing, increasingly challenging world well, serve and support others with integrity, and genuinely enjoy our own lives?

We can become more of who we are. We can meet the challenge and change of our own lives – and of the world around us – with more of who we authentically are.

We can literally…evolve.

What is the actual process of evolution?
What are the tools that will support me?
How do I know what and whom to trust to assist me?
Where do I begin?

(For more information, go to >)

Let’s start with an overview and then break it down into parts…

The more genuinely, openly, and consistently connected you are to you (= intimacy), the more “knowing” (= certainty) you are able to develop. The more you know you, love you, and connect to you…the more you are able to see yourself, others, and the world with clear, accurate, and evolving awareness.

The more clear, open, and aware you are…the easier it is for you to experience your life more freely and fully. When you are experiencing your life fully, you are better able to make your life choices wisely and well.

From those choices - living your life each day from what you genuinely value - you are able to create, generate, and sustain a life of certainty, intimacy, enjoyment, and fulfillment. And when you are fulfilled…you can build.

You can build upon the rock-solid foundation of who you genuinely are. You can deepen and expand your relationships. You can access the creativity, wisdom, and innovation that already lay within you.

This is the actual process of human evolution. Building from within you is evolution. And believe it or not, our evolution is inextricably linked to our happiness, our well-being, and our fulfillment.


Because as human beings we are composed of four aspects: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. As such, our optimal state of well-being is balance. That is, when we are physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually experiencing, expressing, exploring, and enjoying who we are, that = balance. And balance is the foundation upon which fulfillment, expansion, and evolution are built.

So, where do you begin? You begin with you. You begin within you. You begin by developing certainty and intimacy from within you.

This is where so many of us have gotten stuck. Instead of seeking enjoyment, empowerment, and enlightenment from within ourselves, we have pursued anything and everything - anyone and everyone - outside of ourselves to create it for us. We’ve come to believe that our ultimate happiness and success rests upon whether or not we have a relationship, how much money we make, how our physical body looks, which guru we’re attached to, how many miles we run, what kind of car we drive, how many yoga poses we can perfect…the list goes on and on. Or we believe that if we suffer, and struggle, and sacrifice enough…that will a somehow make us worthy of love, happiness, and fulfillment.

Nonsense! Those are just mankind’s interpretations. None of the above is true, it’s just belief.

There is no person, no relationship, no material possession, no fame, no success, nor any amount of wealth or power that can provide you with genuine empowerment and fulfillment.

And I can personally guarantee you there exists no guide, no guru, no gadget, no healer, no lama, no lover, no parent, no shaman - on the face of this earth - that can help you, heal you, enlighten you, or empower you…unless you are choosing to help, heal, enlighten, and empower your own self. Period.


Because only you possess the power to truly change your life. Only you possess the power to heal you or help you.


Because you possess free will; your free will is inviolate, sacrosanct. No one and nothing can impede or obstruct your free will unless you allow it. Therefore, unless you choose to use the power of your free will to help yourself…no one else can truly assist you.

Let me explain it in another way…

You’ve no doubt heard the expression “God helps those who help themselves,” yes? Good, but what does that really mean in practical terms? Contrary to popular opinion, it does not mean that God cherry-picks whom to help and whom not to help. Nor does it mean that God only helps specially selected groups of people who adhere to one specific religion, belief system, or way of life.

Again, that’s all mankind’s interpretation. (Does that sound like the kind of God you would want to put your trust and faith in? Really?)

“God helps those who help themselves,” means that the energy of God (Jesus, the Buddha, Allah, Krishna, Great Spirit, the Universe, whomever or whatever you believe in) can only help you if you are taking the practical steps and concrete actions to help yourself. That’s how your free will works. When you make choices, take actions, and ask for assistance…then the energy of God is free to assist you.


Because we are physical beings - in a physical body - in a physical world. The “physics” of who we are is as integral to our lives as our spirit. So, whether you believe God is a deity, an omniscient presence, or a metaphysical source of energy, God can only work through what you choose to do to help yourself.

In order for the energy of God to assist you, you must “open the door” with your own choices and actions. In other words, it’s not just about thinking, praying, meditating, manifesting, or wishing for what you want…it’s about taking the tangible steps and concrete actions in your daily life that will then allow God to assist you.

Therefore, when you genuinely believe someone - or something - outside of you possesses more power to change your life than you do…you have given your power away, literally. Giving your power away – abdicating your free will to anyone or anything - is dysfunctional at best, dangerous at worst.

When you believe the power to help you - or heal you - lies beyond you, the door to assist you…is closed.


Because on an unconscious level, you believe others to be more powerful than you. And that is a key factor. What you believe in your unconscious mind is often exactly what is impeding and obstructing your happiness, your fulfillment and ultimately…your evolution. Your unconscious mind plays as important a role in your everyday life as your conscious mind. Therefore, you must have access to your unconscious in order to truly enjoy, expand, and evolve. (More on that later.)

When you believe – consciously or unconsciously - that others truly have power over you, you’re not free to experience your life as you choose. Instead, you are at the effect of anyone whom you believe to be “more” than you. This includes lovers, lamas, gurus, healers, preachers, parents, priests, and shamans. It also includes your beliefs about family, money, love, sex, marriage, relationships, etc.

Thus, the critical first step in your evolution is to cultivate your own inner “knowing.”

This is the development of the power of certainty. And it is key to creating a life of enjoyment and fulfillment, because…

Certainty + Intimacy = Fulfillment

Surely, exactly what constitutes a fulfilling life is unique for each of us. I am however, willing to assert that what we are all truly seeking – amid the constant buzz and busy-ness of texting, tweeting, technology, cell phones, cyber space, and social networks – is the certainty and intimacy that actually creates genuine empowerment, enjoyment, and fulfillment in our daily lives.

I’m not talking about an airy-fairy, free love, no responsibilities, ignore-your-reality, or mentally controlled existence. I’m not talking about becoming a self-involved, Ayn Rand worshipping narcissist either. But I am talking about becoming more of who you are and thus being able to experience a more meaningful and fulfilling life…every day.

As we outlined above, many of us are searching for more. Not more achieving or more “stuff,” but instead more enjoyment and more fulfillment. We want to experience enjoyment and fulfillment - every day - in ways that are healthy, balanced, and meaningful. Unfortunately, many of us are seeking “more” in ways that are not beneficial, fulfilling, or truly sustainable. We are chasing gurus and gadgets, processes and programs, mind and money. As such, we are pursuing enjoyment and fulfillment outside of ourselves, rather than from within ourselves.

I can promise you that the pursuit of healing, enlightenment, or fulfillment via anyone or anything outside of you – that is not also grounded to an inner certainty and intimacy within you - will eventually become dysfunctional.

I can also promise you that the “more” so many of us are looking for…is within us. And it begins with certainty.

To order the full length "Certainty of Intimacy, part 1" article, (3,000 words, 8 pages) please fill out the information below.

(Also recommended to order: The Certainty of Intimacy, part 2: Life is the guru, also 8 pages.)
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by Kelly Grace Smith
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