for women & men: the transformative ground of the goddess

Make love, not war.

Man’s evolution is incomplete without the balance of feminine energy within him. Woman’s evolution is incomplete without the balance of masculine energy within her. And humanity’s evolution – the evolution of the human race – cannot progress without the balance of these two energies within our world.

Men and women however, are not “incomplete” without one another. That is to say, both men and women are capable of being wholly complete without being in a relationship. We do not need a mate to be complete; to be whole, happy, and thriving. While it’s a lovely romantic notion, perpetuated by one of my favorite films, “Jerry Maguire,” the highest levels of evolution – and the most dynamic relationships – are the product of two whole and complete individuals. Why?

Because: 1 + 1 = 2

And: ¾ + ¾ ≠ 2

It’s simple math. It’s simple physics, too. When two people have all of their energy at their disposal, what they create for themselves – and with one another – is greater than when some of their energy is invested in supporting their partner to be whole. We commonly call this dependence or co-dependence.

The coming together of a man and a woman* who are each whole unto themselves - balanced from within themselves with both masculine and feminine energies - is exponentially more beneficial. Why? Because there can be a synergy, synchronicity, and dynamism that creates quantum experience for both of them. This kind of experience can only be achieved in a relationship of equality. When a relationship is unequal, there is always – whether it be conscious or unconscious – a struggle for power.

All that being said – and I apologize if that was a bit dry and esoteric – can you imagine a more enjoyable opportunity to learn, grow, and evolve – and to discover the beauty, power, and uniqueness of the other gender – than love and relationship? (poem)

When a man and a woman choose to come together in a partnership of equality – whether it is related to work, play, or love – it is the greatest opportunity for learning, growth, and evolution for both of them. All learning can be beneficial. But learning within a relationship of equality is the most beneficial because of the dynamic, creative, and expansive energy that is created. A partnership of equality is a relationship in which both partners choose to be together and to hold one another as equals. It is a relationship in which each partner agrees to be responsible for themselves and not use power struggles with their partner as a way to avoid or ignore their own learning, growth, and maturation.

It is a relationship based on love, acceptance, and freedom. (See “Redefining Relationship: love, acceptance, freedom.”)

It is also a relationship based on maturity, integrity, consciousness, and responsibility. Clients frequently say to me, “Relationship is so hard!!” Well, it is if you believe it is.

It isn’t that relationship is so hard; what is hard is you being willing to consistently work on you, rather than blame or project onto your partner or your relationship. When you engage in an on-going process of your own growth and development, you know that whatever shows up as a challenge in your relationships...is an opportunity for you to evolve.

Bottom line?

Relationships that endure - and grow - over time, require you to be willing to learn, grow, and mature.

Let me state this clearly and unequivocally, relationships of equality aren’t for everyone. Many do not desire it, many are not yet prepared for it, and many do not yet even grasp the concept. Relationships of equality are for those seeking more. Relationships of equality are for men and women* who consciously choose to become more of who they are, desire more from their relationships, and want to express and contribute more of their self to the world around them.

So, what does all this have to do with women…and with women and men?

Historically, men and women have been engaging in relationship as a power struggle since Adam and Eve. Each gender has often tried to get the other to be more like them...or to be subservient to them.

How's that workin’ for ya?

Instead, what if we viewed relationship purely as an opportunity? What if - despite differences, history, oppression, subjagation, victimization, pain, and frustration - we agreed to provide one another with authentic love and acceptance?

I don’t mean airy-fairy, namby-pamby, pseudo new age love. I mean reality-based, responsible, fulfilling, mature love. 

What if we chose - from love and acceptance - to freely and openly engage in a great adventure with one another as equals?  No struggle, no suffering, no sacrifice required. No power, no manipulation, no control. No blame, no shame, no games. What if the goal of our relationships was simply...equanimity, expansion, enjoyment, and evolution?

What if our relationships were really about making love...not war?

Would you be willing to whole-heartedly embrace this great adventure?

(*This article is generally about masculine and feminine energies, gender differences, and how that impacts our relationships and our world. Many of the concepts here also apply to homosexual partnerships. The information here is not meant to be exclusionary in any way.)



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by Kelly Grace Smith
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