how to make love

Having sex vs. making love.

Orgasm is self-love. Orgasm is you…loving you.

The ability to create and experience an orgasm is not created outside of you; it is created within you. No partner - whether it be Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, or the both of them at once (!!) - can provide you with an orgasm unless you allow the energy to be created, generated, and experienced within your own body.

So, orgasm is about self-love. Sure, a partner can make it more enjoyable (or not!), but a partner doesn’t “give you” an orgasm. As anyone who has experienced orgasm dysfunction will tell you, no partner can “make you” have an orgasm unless your body is ready, willing, and able.

Actually, your bodies – physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual – all contribute to the creation of an orgasm. And often, the failure to achieve orgasm – or to achieve truly fulfilling and expansive orgasms – is due to an imbalance within these bodies. That’s an extended discussion which we will save for another day. Suffice to say, the key to orgasm is self-love; self-love born of self-worth, self-acceptance, self-respect, and self-trust. These are the pillars at the foundation of self-love. And it is self-love - genuine love of one's self - that is the foundation of a powerful, playful, intimate, and fulfilling sex life.

When you possess self-love, you fully and freely enjoy your sexuality and all of the pleasure and experiences sexual loving provides. When you possess self-love, you have plenty of love within you, so you have plenty of love to share freely – without attachment, resentment, manipulation, or sacrifice – with others. When you possess self-love, you are aware of – and take care of – all of your bodies: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. When you possess
self-love, you freely explore your own sexuality, experience great pleasure, and are able to create, generate, and enjoy expansive and fulfilling orgasms...with or without a partner.

Self-love isn't about selfishness or narcissism. Authentic self-love is about being responsible for your well-being, emotional maturity, and evolution.

So what about making love vs. “having sex?”

What is the difference between “having sex” and making love? Does it make a difference if you “just have sex” or you make love? Doesn’t everybody know how to make love?

Well, most everyone knows how to “have sex.” We all learn – or figure out – how to have sex. But “having sex” and making love are not one in the same. “Having sex” is a lot of things…it feels good, it can be fun, it provides pleasure, relief, release, etc. And from a spiritual perspective, “having sex” isn’t bad or wrong, immoral or unethical, sacrilegious or salacious. Those are all mankind’s interpretations.

So, “having sex” is …having sex. And there is more...much, much more.

Making love is more.


Because making love is truly about...making the energy of love.

That’s right, making love is about actually creating the energy of love itself. (poem)

Making love embraces sexual energy, creative energy, and the energy of love. You’d be hard pressed to come up with a more potent - or more powerful - combination of energies than those three! Seriously…sexual, creative, and love energy coming together in your body…is the human equivalent of nuclear power.

Think about it. There’s sexual energy, you’ve felt it, it’s pretty strong stuff, yes? Then there's creative energy. That is, the energy of creation itself; the energy that has the power to create a human life. That’s a pretty big deal.

So far science, with all of its amazing advances – everything from the human genome and the Higgs boson particle, to string theory and quantum entanglement - cannot yet duplicate the creation of a human life without using the elements of human life to create it! That’s pretty extraordinary, don’t you think?

I know we’ve minimized it, super-sized it, sexualized it, marginalized it, romanticized it, and even spiritualized it…but the power to create a human life is a very big deal. It is, literally...a miracle. A miracle that we as human beings can create with our own energies, with our own bodies.

So, we know and accept that sexual energy can lead to the creation of a human life and yet, we continue to pretend that we can “just have sex” with no impact on our self. Nonsense! That’s like saying the same energy that creates nuclear fission will have no effect on us if we simply pretend that it won’t!

If you want to “just have sex” great, you are free to do so. Enjoy yourself. But please do so consciously. And be open to the possibility that “just having sex” may have a deeper impact on you. If an energy can lead to the creation a human life, chances are that same energy - even when it’s not intended to create a human life – can have a powerful effect on you.

The reality of our sexuality is that any kind of sexual connection between two people involves some pretty potent energies and emotions. So, unless you truly know yourself and your partner very, very well, there can be impacts, effects, even significant ramifications - from that sexual connection.

Sincerely, this isn’t about morals or ethics, rules or religion, belief or bonds. It’s simply about being conscious. If you want to have sex...have it, enjoy it, and be responsible for your choices. But if you want more…learn to make love. (poem)

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by Kelly Grace Smith
2014 All Rights Reserved.
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